Selected Pete

And the Gods of the Copybook Headings limped up to explain it once more.

Al Gore and the Magnificent Offset Machine

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RealClearPolitics – Articles – Gore’s Crusade Ends at His Front Door

A week ago I tuned in for my obligatory 5 minutes of Oscar coverage just in time to hear Melissa Etheridge extolling the virtues of His Gore-ness:

… Mostly I have to thank Al Gore … for inspiring me … for showing that caring about the earth is not Republican or Democrat. We are all green. This is our job now. We can become the greatest generation — the generation that woke up, the generation that changed …

You go! – er….uh…girl-ish person, you.. (It was truly an emotional, weeping moment for me – in a terrified, fetal position kind of way.) Gore’s turn at the podium was an equally disturbing display of grinning solidarity with all of those third world nations who have decided to shut off their electricity so the planet and baby animals will be saved.


Did I say solidarity?


Well – what I really meant was that Gore feels solidarity with his fellow no footprint-having , carbon- neutral 3rd world friends in a sort of one for you, three for me kind of ..way. Debra Saunders is a pretty brave woman who writes on this topic in San Francisco, of all places. Her article over at RCP details how Gore makes his penance at the alter of world emissions standards. But in Al’s world there is no light extinguished, nor hot, sticky day left uncooled – you see, he has this machine….


Fear not, however, because Gore, like those wonderful folks who put on the Oscars, is “carbon neutral.” As Kreider told ABC, the Gores “purchase offsets for their carbon emissions to bring their carbon footprint down to zero.”

I used to figure that rich sinners, who bought “indulgences” from the Catholic Church before the Protestant Reformation, would be ashamed of the bargain that other churchgoers looked upon with scorn and derision.

Yup – Al Gore has an amazing Offset Machine which has a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time…uh, anyway, you get the picture. But fear not, because you too can have an amazing Offset Machine! Just drop your extra hard earned cash in the appropriate slot at Turtle Bay, and those nasty emissions will just vanish into thin air (much like the air found inside the Kodak theater on Oscar night!) For the tech-savvy, Walmart will be selling a multi-mode Vatican aproved machine soon which will guessed it – sin.

Written by selectedpete

March 6, 2007 at 3:23 pm

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